my day

the tao told me that restlessness is loss of self-control. and i was at peace for the moment.
however, i often find that useful knowledge difficult to apply.
commonly, when i am restless.

today two christians approached me, presumably to stir interest in the faith.
they did not know i had walked that path, through and through.
i explained my views.
they agreed and contradicted themselves, and i felt sorry.

today i had the urge to get drunk, and i tried.
it didn’t work, so i tried harder, and eventually i was in a stupor, sedated, and filled with regret.
i tried to calm the winds blowing uncomfortably through my heart with a cigarette.
but instead, i got a headache.

the world is spinning like a toy top.
and no one can say when it will stop.