so, college,

so i dropped out. long story short, i procrastinated and partied too hard. i was having too much fun. apparently there is such a thing (who knew).

now i’m off in the world, but not alone. i’m living in my parents’ basement currently, and i’m not sure how long i’ll be able to stand it. all the freedom of college contrasted with an 11:00 curfew and a seemingly never-ending search for a job. if you can imagine it great, if not, just know that i’m writhing and cringing and tossing about with restlessness. i need to get out of this place.

currently, my job prospects look somewhat promising. i sent a resume to the family business, but they don’t like to hire young kinsmen. apparently they think i’m trying to take advantage. which, remarkably, is not the case. somehow all the stress of failing all those classes really did some damage to my laziness. i have a burning desire to do something with my life and i intend to. i’m a bit upset at the situation because i’ll be working my ass off. 40-50 hour weeks, which wouldn’t be too bad if i get that gig with the family business, but some of the other jobs i’ve been applying for could be downright shitty.

i applied for a job at coldstone creamery, where they make icecream cones and sing to customers for a tip. i think i’d feel a bit like a whore working there. smug highschoolers from sibley and sta are surely frequent, and certainly enjoy dropping a buck or two at an icecream shop to see some drop out sing a tune and pretend to like it.

today i’ll be applying for jobs at all ends of the spectrum. next week i could be an orderly, caring for some rich old cripple, or welding pieces of metal together with a mask over my face to shield my face from the hot hot heat. i was also looking into this ad recruiting “animal lovers” for kennel assistance. i mentioned it to my father and he commented that the job probably entailed quite a bit of scat cleanup. if only the ad had said “shit lovers.” that way i wouldn’t feel like they were trying to reel me in without disclosing the true nature of the job. if they had put in the paper “pick up shit for 10 hours a day at $10 an hour! all the shit you could ever want!” i would have called immediately.

but all the ads are a bit vague. oh well. i can handle a surprise.

in spite of all this reality smacking me in my face, i still can’t help but dream. i think this summer, with a large amount of my free time i’m going to make music. i’ve had tunes in my head, and my lyrics are improving. i think the sound i’ve been pursuing is close. but i need people. i hate having to bust my ass and play all the instruments, one track at a time. so hopefully i’ll be able to locate some musicians that wouldn’t mind my pushing a certain sound on them. i hate to sound like i think i’m some sort of musical prodigy, because i’m not. but i have that frontman syndrome i suppose. i want it to sound the way i want it to sound because i think if thats the way it sounds everyone will like the way it sounds and if thats the case then we’re fucking rich and famous. and wouldn’t that just be grand?